In terms of social connections, our friendships are often highly underrated.
Relationships are the big-budget, million-dollar blockbuster movies that everyone talks about and hypes up, until they line up in front of the box office on opening night to watch the 12 o'clock premier.
Friendships are the quiet, independent films that you accidentally happen up or are recommended to, and watch while snuggled up on the couch in pajamas on a Wednesday night.
Relationships are stressed and idealized in our society -- friendships are treated as something ordinary or given, like it is nothing special nor unique to have them.
Relationships are seen as the diamond -- friendships the rough.
I reject this thinking. Relationships often suffer from being far more flawed then our friendships are. Like the blockbuster movie, a relationship can occasionally live up to expectations...but so frequently it ends up being quite a disappointment, particularly after the build up. In relationships you endure the worry, the pain, the fights, the little tiffs, the things about them that irk you, the "conversations" about where everything is going. So often they go awry, and last long after their expiration date.
This is not to say that relationships are without their high, wonderful, exquisite points...it's only to say that they are far more complicated.
And yet friendships, so often, are so simple. They are easy, and fun, and relaxed. Fights are so much less common...it is so much more difficult to be hurt or let down by your friends. There is a special bond in knowing so much about another person, and with no other agenda then to simply spend time together. There is no wondering (usually anyways) about their motives, and you don't need to question where the friendship is going...it simply, beautifully is. And yet, these wonderful gems in our lives...the associations that make every heartache livable and every outing memorable...are placed second in line to the relationship. Shouldn't our friends be placed first? Not necessarily because we should spend more time with them than a significant other...but because long after a relationship has ended, your friends will still be there.
At least, I know mine will be. Maybe for that I am lucky.
But that brings me back to my point. I shouldn't just shrug my shoulders and consider it the norm that I have been blessed with friends who love me and care about me. I should feel exceptionally lucky to have them in my life.
And also, even with friendships, there are those moments of pure elation and happiness where you can feel 100% complete. That feeling is not relationship exclusive. I have felt it before myself, with my friendships.
...Stumbling into my best friend's house at 2 AM, crashing into his bed next to him and falling asleep, and having him not even mind...
...Walking in the middle of a turf farm at midnight with three close friends, an armful of blankets and a plastic baggy full of candy to lay out amongst the stars and enjoy idle conversation...
...Laughing over dinner and drinks with my four best girlfriends and knowing that, despite months apart from each other, our bond is still the same...
...Enjoying a night out, complete with movie, strip-club and cigar by the beach with my mentor and friend...
...or even a few days ago...driving in the car down the highway, listening to music and singing Journey, with three friends who make me laugh.
Moments like that...moments with true friends...is pure joy.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Why Not Me?
I'm shamelessly going to mope now, and feel bad for myself.
So maybe I'm not a perfect person, and maybe I've made some (a lot) of mistakes in my past. Maybe I have a walk-in closet of skeletons and secrets that I've kept from most of the world, and maybe I live my life a little manically and recklessly in an endless search for something to make life meaningful and satisfying. Yet, everything that I've gone through and everything that I've done has brought me, now, to the person that I am and the person that I am going to be come. I like that person, and I wouldn't be her if I hadn't had all the life lessons that taught me about myself.
And for all my flaws and all my faults, I feel like I deserve to be loved and in a happy relationship just as much as anybody else. In truth, that's a half of all that I want out of life...to have adventures, and to find the right person to have those adventures with.
And all around me, it seems like everyone is getting paired up and married, while my latest relationship has recently gone down the drain for reasons that, still, baffle me. It hurts even more because it was with someone who I could REALLY see myself being with, for the long run...someone I felt so completely comfortable and compatible with. It begs the question, if that relationship couldn't work out for me, then which one will? And what is the likelihood that I'll find someone so much like me again?
I really want to be with someone who I can stand still with, and just enjoy every moment and not have to worry that they are going to leave me on a moments whim...to trust, and be assured that they will be there tomorrow. I want the person who is sweet, dependable yet adventurous, affectionate, free to demonstrate their love, interesting, intelligent, and who is proud and feels lucky to be with me. The one who will love me despite my past, my flaws, and all the things I've done, and see the person that I am now. The one who will hold me when I cry.
It sounds stupid, but perhaps that was one of the biggest things that troubled me about my last boyfriend. When I was upset and in tears, he just wanted to talk about the problem and how to fix it. Men need to understand that when a girl cries, she just wants to be held, and told that she's loved, and everything will be okay.
Have I placed impossible standards on my vision for a future mate? Is there anyone out there who so exists, who can stay next to me for the long haul? Who is willing, and ready, to make that kind of a commitment?
3 weeks post break-up, I'm still feeling lonely and a little depressed.
I guess I just have to trust that I will have that kind of happiness again. I've been in love before, and I'm sure (sparing death) that it won't be the last time. I know there will come a day when I meet the right person for me, and all my waiting will pay off...truly, for I will not have settled for anything less then real love. And I will be glad for my waiting, and for everything that brought me to him, and every stupid relationship that ended and every tear that I cried, because otherwise I would not have been free to be with him.
I know this.
I'm just getting a little impatient.
So maybe I'm not a perfect person, and maybe I've made some (a lot) of mistakes in my past. Maybe I have a walk-in closet of skeletons and secrets that I've kept from most of the world, and maybe I live my life a little manically and recklessly in an endless search for something to make life meaningful and satisfying. Yet, everything that I've gone through and everything that I've done has brought me, now, to the person that I am and the person that I am going to be come. I like that person, and I wouldn't be her if I hadn't had all the life lessons that taught me about myself.
And for all my flaws and all my faults, I feel like I deserve to be loved and in a happy relationship just as much as anybody else. In truth, that's a half of all that I want out of life...to have adventures, and to find the right person to have those adventures with.
And all around me, it seems like everyone is getting paired up and married, while my latest relationship has recently gone down the drain for reasons that, still, baffle me. It hurts even more because it was with someone who I could REALLY see myself being with, for the long run...someone I felt so completely comfortable and compatible with. It begs the question, if that relationship couldn't work out for me, then which one will? And what is the likelihood that I'll find someone so much like me again?
I really want to be with someone who I can stand still with, and just enjoy every moment and not have to worry that they are going to leave me on a moments whim...to trust, and be assured that they will be there tomorrow. I want the person who is sweet, dependable yet adventurous, affectionate, free to demonstrate their love, interesting, intelligent, and who is proud and feels lucky to be with me. The one who will love me despite my past, my flaws, and all the things I've done, and see the person that I am now. The one who will hold me when I cry.
It sounds stupid, but perhaps that was one of the biggest things that troubled me about my last boyfriend. When I was upset and in tears, he just wanted to talk about the problem and how to fix it. Men need to understand that when a girl cries, she just wants to be held, and told that she's loved, and everything will be okay.
Have I placed impossible standards on my vision for a future mate? Is there anyone out there who so exists, who can stay next to me for the long haul? Who is willing, and ready, to make that kind of a commitment?
3 weeks post break-up, I'm still feeling lonely and a little depressed.
I guess I just have to trust that I will have that kind of happiness again. I've been in love before, and I'm sure (sparing death) that it won't be the last time. I know there will come a day when I meet the right person for me, and all my waiting will pay off...truly, for I will not have settled for anything less then real love. And I will be glad for my waiting, and for everything that brought me to him, and every stupid relationship that ended and every tear that I cried, because otherwise I would not have been free to be with him.
I know this.
I'm just getting a little impatient.
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