Life Doesn't Hurt

I was MySpace stalking my best friend Melissa when I came across this quote on her profile, and I rather liked it:

"Life doesn't hurt until you think about how much things have changed, who you've lost along the way, and how much of it was your fault."

That resonates in me and strikes me as very true. There are moments...especially in times of quiet, when walking or driving or relaxing...when I begin to remember events and people from my past, and I am struck with a deep sense of melancholy. I am pained by the horrible things that people have done to me, and the awful situations which I have, at times, found myself in. I am humbled and shamed by the mistakes of my own. And perhaps the saddest moment of all is when I think of all the friends that I have lost contact with during my 22 years of life.

And, as the quote states, when I realize that a lot of it was my doing.

I think one of the three greatest regrets of my life is along this vein, and is related to the loss of my high-school best friend. He and I have since drifted far, far apart...we never talk, only occasionally bump into each other, and my attempts at rekindling a friendship have failed. Perhaps I was the first to cause the rift between us...during the dark, depressed years of my sophomore year, I certainly did not make enough time for him, when I should have. And yet, I think the final blow was his...the fact that my attempts to make things right were ignored.

And the pain is in the fact that once, we were inseparable. We spent every weekend together, hung out during every school lunch period, had a plethora of inside jokes. He knew all of my secrets, no matter how dark, and I was the only one who could read him like a book. We were perfectly content to just sit inside and watch movies all day, laughing and enjoying our time together. There was really no need for anyone else - we had each other, as the closest of best friends.

And now...to have lost that...it pains me.

But maybe I needed to experience that loss, in order to learn that I should never make the same mistake again, and completely neglect my friends. To remember that friendship is the most important thing that you can earn in life, and the lose it would be a tragedy. To learn that people cannot be ignored, and then picked up later when it is more convenient.

All these things I now understand.

And at least I got to enjoy that time of deep, effortless friendship...if only for a while.