Me and My Evil Twin

I've always known that I am two distinctively different people when I am in a relationship, and when I am single.

This comes to mind after my most recent attempt to "go out" last night to the various casinos around my Connecticut home town, despite the fact that my significant other is on spring break in New Jersey. During the summer, when I was in and out of fleeting relationships and for the most part quite single, I was out and partying most nights of the week. My counterpart, Melissa, and I frequented the local clubs at every opportunity and spent weekday evenings hopping between various groups of friends. There were few nights where we went home before at least 1 am - in particular, I can clearly recall crawling into bed at 4 in the morning after a particularly late evening, and then waking up at 6 am to head to work. We were quintessential party girls and night owls, and at the time, we absolutely loved it.

I've been in a serious relationship for the past three months now, and that person isn't really me any more. I haven't gone to a club in months, and my trips to the bar with friends have been few and far between. I find myself tired and ready for sleep around 11 or 12 (which may have more to do with work than my relationship status, but I digress) and with a lack of desire to really drink. I am quite content to spend my evenings curled up on the couch with my boyfriend, watch a movie, play some video games, cuddle up and fall asleep - and, because we are so compatible, it's wonderful and just as much fun as going out. All I could think about last night (especially since the night did not pan out as I had planned) was how much I wanted to relax in bed with him and watch a zombie movie.

It is me, and my wild twin...two quite different personalities, simply based on what stage in my life I am in.

Single me is untamed, impatient, and easily bored. She is constantly on the move and never sits still, needing to be occupied by activity and with people at every moment. She is flirtatious, overly friendly, and spontaneous. To a degree, she is self-destructive. Every day needs to be an adventure, and, as can be expected, drama follows close behind. She is the life of every party, always needing to be the focus of attention, and in attendance at every event.

Relationship me is more calm, relaxed, and takes the time to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. She is polite but unresponsive to the provokes of men, and is quick to assert that she is taken if asked. She takes each day slowly and carefully and gives everything to the people which she cares for. She is careful to keep her personal life secretive and is rare to divulge information about herself, preferring to keep people in the dark and maintain a degree of privacy. She is quieter than her wild twin.

And each personality has its perks, benefits and positive traits. Both of them have their flaws. To a degree, I wish I could blend the best parts of both and come to a solid, unified version of myself...whether I am single, or not.

But then again, both aspects benefit my needs at the time. The personalities are carefully designed and crafted to keep me ultimately happy and enjoying each moment. And maybe if I blended the two, it wouldn't be so, and I would find myself more miserable during my states of being single, or more unhappy when with a significant other.

So it may indeed be best this way.

It's just strange feeling like two people at once.